One, Two, Feeee!!!

Yesterday was Emma's 3rd birthday!! I spend most of the day in deep thought, counting my blessings and I also spent a lot of time looking at her and crying. I thought about the whole adoption process and how we were lead down that path. What a blessing that was, I am so thankful that we were listening when those promptings and answers came. I thought about Emma's birthmom (as I do everyday). I wondered if she was thinking about Emma and hoping that she knew that Emma was safe and happy with her family. I thought about how on December 15, 2008 at 8:34am, a strong little spirit came into this world. She had a rough start and she is now known at the NICU as "The Cool Cap Baby". (please google cool cap, it makes me so grateful for technology because this medical device saved my little girl's life). I am so grateful for wonderful doctors!! I thought about walking into the NICU that first time with Ryan and seeing her and knowing that she was our daughter. I remember the look in Ryan's eyes of pure love for her.

Emma is a miracle, I know you have all heard that and are probably tired of hearing that, but it is true!! Who she is on paper is not who she is. Her medical history is quite scary to read, but she is not defined by those scary papers. Her spirit is much larger and stronger than any medical procedure or diagnosis. What does the future hold for this little one? We have no idea, she could continue to progress or some day she may just stop progressing. But, I just trust and have the faith that she will reach her highest potential and if her mission her on Earth is to bring joy to her family and friends, then she has already done that and more.

Emma LOVES Binkbell ("tinkerbell")

Do I really need words to describe this picture?

I just love this girl with the root beer-colored eyes. She loves Tinkerbell, her babies, her stuffed animals, broccoli, oranges and teasing her big brother.

Love This!!

Miracles happen everyday and I am so grateful that I get to chase one around every day.

Easter 2011

Today we woke up to snow!!! Can you believe it? We had such a beautiful winter and now we are getting snow. Luckily, it didn't stick on the ground and didn't cover the eggs that the Easter Bunny left us outside.

When Emma was first placed with us, my friend, Mare gave her a beautiful purple dress. She wore it on her first Easter. I, of course, bought Braxton a matching shirt and tie that year. They looked so cute. Last year, her dress was white with little pink flowers, I bought Braxton a pink tie to match. Again, so cute. I bought Emma's dress first again this year, knowing that I would buy the dress and then buy a matching shirt or tie for Braxton (it's all about the dress, afterall). Well, this year, Braxton informed me that he didn't want to match his sister because wearing the pink tie last year was too embarrassing. He was a good sport and let me buy him a nice Easter-y green tie. There is a little flower on Emma's dress that has a green left that matched Braxton's tie. See, we all win.

I tried to take a nice picture of the kids in their Easter outfits, but it didn't work out so well. Emma was a little too hopped up on sugar and wouldn't cooperate. They did look very cute today and ate way too much candy.

Oh and here's a special shout out to the Easter Bunny for not bringing any of my favorite candies this year so that I can stay on the wagon. Thanks Easter Bunny!!! (I miss you Cadbury Mini Eggs and Starburst Jelly Beans xoxoxo)

Terrific Twos

Two years ago, the most beautiful baby girl in the world was born. She had a very rough start, but she fought for her life and I like to think that she fought to be in our family. Having a two year old in the house again is pretty crazy. She keeps me running all day, but it's a very happy, busy time. She is healthy and happy and still continues to amaze us everyday.

Having a little girls is so fun. She loves dresses, purses, shoes and babies. Right now she is obsessed with balls. She carries them everywhere.

Emma is such a cookie monster. Most mornings when she is finished with breakfast, she will ask me for a cookie. We decided to buy her a cookie instead of a cake or cupcakes. She was sooo excited when she caught a glimpse of the big cookie.

Making a wish.

Happy Emma Day

Part of Emma's morning ritual.

Trying to get into Braxton's room

Caught again

I will try again tomorrow.

On November 10, 2010, it marked a year since Emma's adoption was finalized. It also marked a year since I had one of the best night's sleep of my life. The year flew by and I can't remember what life was like without her. She is growing and thriving and is just the happiest little girl.

Janet

On November 10th, since it was Emma's adoption day, I thought that I would call Janet. I hadn't talked to her since January. (I called her shortly after we moved to Colorado. I was feeling a bit "homesick" that day and talking to her made me feel so happy.) I knew that she would appreciate the call on Emma's special day. I couldn't find her phone number, so I thought that I would "google" her and Frank to find their phone number. When I hit enter on "google", the first thing that popped up was an obituary for a Janet A. Rueff of North Ogden. I thought, "....that can't be our Janet. She is so healthy and full of life." I clicked on the link of the obituary and I was shocked to see Janet's picture there. Our sweet Grandma Janet had passed away on May 4th. I sat on my couch and cried all morning. I called my former case worker, Laura, I knew she would know the story. Laura said that back in March, Janet was diagnosed with lymphoma and the disease spread quickly. I feel like there is now a void in our lives and in our hearts. Had I known when she stood in my living room last December, that that would be the last time I would see her in this life, I would have hugged her a little tighter and a little bit longer.

When Ryan and I first began the adoption process, we were prepared and looking forward to an open adoption. We wanted to personally know our child's birthmother and her family. We wanted a relationship, we wanted to share milestones with them. This didn't happen and right now, it's better that it's not an open adoption. I was so happy that even though I don't personally know Emma's birth mom, I was blessed to have others enter my life. People who I am tied to forever because of Emma's adoption process. Laraine, Frank and Janet and our case worker, Laura, are those amazing people who have brought much joy and helped us along on our adoption journey. I am so grateful for Janet, she never gave up on Emma and she opened her home to us, so that we could bond with our baby girl. She took such good care of all the special needs babies who came into her home. We will miss you Janet.

Flashback

Last Friday, we went to Primary Children's Medical Center in Salt Lake City for Emma's follow-up MRI. I am not a big fan of hospitals, but Primary's is such a positive place. The doctors and nurses are wonderful and even the decor makes you feel like it is a happy and safe place to be. Of course, I still felt nervous about the whole thing. I don't like the idea of my daughter (or son for that matter) being put under anesthesia. As I sat in the recovery room waiting for Emma, my thoughts went back to almost 2 years ago when we sat in McKay Dee Hospital and talked to specialists about Emma. About her brain injury, about whether or not she would thrive and develop. For a moment all the doubt and fear of that day came rushing back and I felt that horrible feeling like I had no control over this whole situation, what if they come back and tell us that she now has a tumor, what if there are more problems, what if , what if. That feeling didn't last long. I again felt peace. I remembered that faith is the opposite of fear. I thought of my little girl and the immense amount of joy that she has brought into our family. I thought about what a fighter she is and how much she has overcome in her short life. I thought of the moment back in January of 2009 when I was in my room in the dark and I felt hopeless and afraid and then had the overwhelming feeling that there is always hope. I knew that one of the most important things to remember was that we know who she is and what she can do and more importantly there is a God in Heaven who knows what her earthly and eternal potential will be. It is my job to make sure she reaches that potential. They brought her into the recovery room and I sat there and rocked her while she slept for 2 hours. All was right with the world. Today, the neurologist called to give us the results. The size and volume of her brain has decreased, we were told that would probably happen because of the injury she experienced while still in the womb. The great news is that everything else is growing and developing at the right pace. We will continue to monitor her progress and are happy that we know what the warning signs of any problems are. Since she is doing well, we were able to cancel the appointment with the neurologist in November and just continue seeing her Pediatrician.

Pickers

Wow, I am so behind with my blogging. Here's a few fun things that we did this September.

A friend of a friend has an apple orchard and nobody wanted the apples, so we were invited to go and pick them. Emma and I went with a neighbor and her kids. It was really fun. Emma loved it. She would pick them, take a bite and then put them in the bag. She is so cute. We picked alot and then ate alot of apples at our house. I finally gave the rest of them to Shelley so she could do some baking.

A week after the apple picking, we went to Miller Farms. It is a U-Pick farm. Shelley and I paid $20 and we got to pick 18 ten pound bags of produce. We picked potatoes, tomatoes, beans, corn, peppers, watermelons, onions, carrots, celery, and other fresh goodies. I will say that it was hard work and I am not cut out to be a farmer, but it was a really fun morning.

Our 18 bags of veggies Emma with our "driver/tour guide"

Emma picking potatoes

Emma trying to take a bite out of a pumpkin

My brown-eyed girl

Dear Mother Nature,

Thank you very much for such a beautiful day!!!

Happy Easter 2010

Easter was nice and low-key, just the way we like it. Braxton woke me up at 7:00am for the Easter egg hunt, I tried to wake Ryan, but he wasn't moving and Emma was still asleep, so Braxton did the egg hunt himself. He didn't seem to mind.

Braxton and his basket

The best thing the Easter Bunny brought.

Emma and her basket

Some Easter kite flying

This is in our backyard, that's Braxton's school behind our house

Coloring eggs

Notice my son wearing a Halloween shirt while coloring eggs.

I love the Easter season. It's a time of Spring and renewal. The trees are budding and the tulips will soon be in bloom. I love it. I am so grateful for the real reason we celebrate Easter. Because the tomb was empty that first Easter morning, life has hope and purpose and there is always light even when the rest of the world seems dark. What an amazing gift.

"And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of Him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of Him. That He lives."

Fringe

As you all know, my daughter was born with A LOT of hair. I had dreams of pig tails and cute little barrettes, but Emma is not very cooperative. Whenever I put pig tails in her hair, she screams and cries. Whenever I put cute barrettes or clips in her hair, she rips them out. She even swallowed one once, we didn't know until we found it in her diaper. Poor baby. Since she doesn't allow cute things in her hair, it is always in her eyes. So, we decided to take her to a professional. She sat very still on the booster seat at Great Clips, it took maybe 2 minutes to cut her some bangs. I was a little sad because it is such a "big girl" thing. They grow up way too fast, don't they?

I can see those beautiful brown eyes now. Hooray!!